Essay #15-Caves and Deserts: Life in the Extreme

Caves and Deserts are center stage in the video series Planet Earth, produced by BBC and narrated by Sir David Attenborough. In the episode Caves, the cameras shine light in places where there has never been light before. Caves comprise 10% of the earth’s surface and are among the least explored places on earth. They contain a variety of animal life uniquely adapted to cave life. The biggest challenge of cave life is finding a regular and reliable source of food. The 400 meter deep Cave of Swallows in Mexico contains an unusual variety of worm that lives on the cave ceiling. To catch their insect prey, these worms secrete silk lines from their bodies and emit light that shines like a blanket of stars attracting and trapping their food. Bats are the most well known cave dweller and bring in food for other cave creatures through their droppings.

The episode, Deserts, shows that life there can be just as extreme as in caves. The Gobi desert in Mongolia reaches temperatures of lows of -40 degrees and highs of 122 degrees F. The search for water dominates the lives of desert animals. It snows in the Gobi desert, but the air is so dry it will never melt, but simply evaporates. In order to get water, the camels that live in this harsh climate chew the snow chunks. Africa has the largest desert, the Sahara, which is larger in size than the United States. Most desert creatures are nocturnal, however kangaroos survive Australia’s life threatening desert temperatures by licking their forearms to cool down their blood.

Life can thrive and exist in surprising and extreme places. As this series shows, nowhere is the existence of life more surprising than in the extremes of caves and deserts.

ProctoreSimone Workshop Draft#2

  

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.  You did a great job at paraphrasing and eliminating some of your quotes in this draft.  I also found it much more fluent with good transitions.

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Thesis

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?  Yes, it is very clear.

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph? Yes, except having 4 reasons of support.

Content

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?  This draft has 1347 words, falling a little short of the requirements.

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!  I give this draft an 8 because of the progress you have made from the first to second draft, especially the readability of this draft.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?  In your opening statement you talk about meat comsumption beign a status lifestyle rather than a necessity.  I would like to understand that statement more. 

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?  As with any issue concerning the food industry, there are always those that say we need to feed our people at a cheaper cost. 

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them. There is some discussion about how multinational businesses control our food market but I don’t really see this issue being dealt with directly.  Thsi would be agood place to address this issue.  These large corporations are the ones who dictate what we eat and what the cost is.

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?  You did a much better job with this second time around!

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?  Your transisitons are clear, I know what to expect in the next paragraph.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title? Like I said earlier, explain a little more about the status lifestyle. 

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).  The conclusion wraps up the whole paper, going over the main points, but also interjecting more of the writer’s stance on the issue. 

Research

14Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).  10 sources, I counted 4 scholarly/peer-reviewd sources.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?  Fairly equal, 3 in-text citations was the most from one particular source.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?  I don’t think some of the in-text citations are done correctly because of using the first intial and last name.  The way I understand it is that only the last name needs to be used unless there is more than one source with the same last name.  There is also an in-text citation for the Vegetarian Resource Group that should be Chlebowski.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not). No

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.  No, this is an area that was much improved upon.  Good job!

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?  No

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.  Again, you improved alot in this area.

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.  Yes, good job!

Other? 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?  I think you did a much better job with this draft!  There are a couple of word choices that I think you could do better on…I think the word “thrive” in your thesis would be better if it were “strive”.  Also, in the first paragraph where it says, “we ignore to set an example…”  it just doesn’t sound right to me.  Maybe something to look at.  Overall, I am very impressed with the changes that you have made.  I know how hard this is, well atleast for me, so to accomplish writing this paper is truly that…an accomplishment!! Good luck to you!

Response #14- Big Names Willing to Make Big Changes

It is amazing how a well written article can help a person to understand something they knew nothing about to begin with.  That is what Kate Connolly has done with her article “German blue chip firms throw weight behind north African solar project”.   Kate Connolly’s writing is easy to read, easy to understand, and lets the reader come to their own conclusion on the issue discussed.  Ms. Connolly shows an unbiased and objective stance that readers can appreciate. 

This article discusses how twenty blue chip German companies are willing to come together, using their resources, in hopes of changing the way Europe gets its energy.  These companies are investing in the future and hoping to help change the current global warming crisis we are facing.  They are working on a technique called “concentrated solar power” which will harness the sun’s rays to heat water, turn it into steam, and drive turbines that will create carbon-free electricity.  The way the author relays this information is direct and to the point without too many technical terms that can throw the reader off. 

Kate Connolly also uses direct quotes from members of the project allowing the readers to get first-hand information.  Not all of these quotes are from proponents of the project however, which presents some potential problems with the project.  Although investors are expecting the project to be expensive, others voice concerns that the costs will be much more than expected.  There are also concerns about having solar power plants in faraway countries such as Libya, Morocco, and Algeria where sandstorms are prevalent and there is always potential for poor negotiations when more countries are involved.

Overall, this is a well written article that is focused and informative.  Anyone can read this article and have a fairly clear idea of what the project is, who is involved, what some of the pros and cons may be, and also gain some hope that not all large companies are unwilling to take a look at changing some of our world’s destructive ways.

Essay #14-Green Guide for Everyday Living: Small World Changing Ideas

National Geographic’s website, Green Guide for Everyday Living, offers helpful information and advice on becoming greener in nearly every area of our lives. Topics range from seasonal, home and garden, parenting, travel and transportation, to food.  The site also includes a green guide blog. In classic National Geographic fashion, the website presents this information in eye catching beautiful color and design, with easy to read headlines that draw the reader to click on them.

A cute cartoon duck in a bathtub draws the reader into a link containing a water footprint calculator. It asks for pledges to cut our water footprint by 20% and offers a handy calculator for figuring how much water we use on a daily basis.  They state the average American lifestyle uses nearly 2,000 gallons of water each day, half of which is for maintaining lawns and gardens.  There is even a link where the reader can win water-friendly prizes if they make this pledge.

Green Guide also offers timely holiday tips for the gift giving season. In the article Green Gifts and Bags by Danielle Masterson, the reader is encouraged to utilize wrapping paper that is recycled or “tree-free” paper made from hemp or banana fiber. Raffia can dress up packages nicely, rather than ribbon. Gift bags can be handmade from scarves, fabric scraps, or vintage doilies.

In the Green Guide blog section, blogger Tanya Snyder writes about her childhood experiences with her mother and using all the different forms of public transportation in Philadelphia. As an adult, this experience gave her confidence to explore the world utilizing the forms of transport that different cities offer, freeing her from dependence on her personal car.

These small samples give a brief glimpse at an informative website that, if taken to heart, offers something possibly world changing.

Response #13- If They’re Doing it, Why Aren’t We?

“City of the future” by Carolyn Fry shows that a city can run on renewable sources.  This article is filled with proof of just that.  The author describes the Western Harbour development in Malmo, Sweden, which is working toward its goal of 100 percent locally renewable energy.  The article discusses several ways in which the people of Malmo are making this happen, although many readers may get caught up in the technical terms used in the article.  If the reader is not fully literate in the terminology the author chooses to use, it makes it harder to understand the full impact of the success the city of Malmo has had.

Even with the use of terminology not known to many readers, the author still delivers many facts in layman’s terms.  When building residential housing the developers had to meet strict guidelines to ensure green standards.  The city’s heating system is a local cogeneration plant which provides higher efficiency and better pollution control.  Much of the energy used comes from the sun and wind and aquifers are used to store excess heat until it is needed.  All of these things are very doable and this city has proven that.

This article gives an example of a city that is making a difference.  Many of the problems we are facing within our society can be remedied by following in line with Malmo.  The author gives a completely detailed roadmap of how it can be done.  If they can do it, so can we.

VanDerMeer Workshop Draft 2

Only hitting the points that have changed since the first workshop:

Overall

1. You turned all of your quotations into paraphrases which makes the points stronger.

2. Is there anything in particular you have questions about?

Thesis

3&4. Thesis is the same—good on all points.

Content

5. Meets the word count—over 1500.

6. I give it an extra point now—an 8. I think it has a better flow to it now, so it makes for easier reading.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

The second paragraph helps to introduce the topic further and it defines “particulate” as I suggested before.

10. The relationship between each paragraph and the thesis is not the standard 5 paragraph essay type, but they all flow and fit.

Style

The overall style definitely improved from the first draft. I know removing all the quotations helped, but there is a better flow to it now as well.

Research

You used a range of sources making the credibility strong.

Other

You seem to have taken most of my suggestions from the first workshop and put them into action.

Do not start a sentence with “but” (Paragraph 3).

Overall, it is a big improvement. I think it’s going to be a great final paper.

Response #14: The Last Frontier for Oil

In, “Oil Exploration Can be a Boon to Alaskans and Environment,” Don Young clearly exercises his view of opening up new oil revenues in specific regions of Alaska. He does a good job of convincing the reader that he is right, too.

For someone who has never been introduced to this issue, Young is very convincing. One would think to argue that in producing oil in Alaska the benefits would outweigh the risks. Instead, Young eliminates the risks completely. He introduces several counterarguments and proves them wrong.

First of all, he explains that the Native Alaskans living in the rural villages benefit from and welcome the revenue that comes along with this oil production. He says it upgrades their lives rather than making it more difficult for them to survive or relocating them, as one might think it could do. However, without knowing what the Natives who live in the area truly think about it, it can be difficult to believe. A quote from someone may have made this notion more credible.

Young also describes how the wildlife will not be affected by the oil exploration. Many will think that this would disrupt the natural habitats of the animals in the area. He states that the technology today is able to do its job without interfering. He furthers this point by using Prudhoe Bay as an example of oil drilling and wildlife living harmoniously together.

He concludes appropriately with the idea that beginning this exploration now would be beneficial to the environment. His point counters what those who oppose it would say. If they are to wait, there will be more risks in the future.

Overall, Young gives several reasons and clearly states why oil exploration in Alaska should be going on. He states that if they are forced to wait, there will not be any exploring; there will only be drilling. Therefore, it is now or never.

Response #12- Is Biofuel the Lesser of Two Evils?

Rebecca Buckman’s “Who wants my biofuel?” discusses the hopes and disappointments of Imperium Renewables, which is a biodiesel plant at the port of Grays Harbor, Washington.  Buckman’s stand on this issue is clear in her writing, biofuel is not the answer.  Although she presents many facts associated with Imperium’s plans and failures, she includes several digs at the ideals Imperium hoped to transform in to reality, and rightly so.  The facts are made clear.  To make biofuel means to destroy even more of the environment than what we are already doing, and in the end, it is even more expensive for the consumer. 

The author explains who started the company, the plans they had, the deals with congress that have since fell through, and how the company is now sitting idle, hoping against hope that something will keep the ideas alive.  With the facts laid out, one message rings through.  Is biofuel the answer?  Do we divert food crops to fuel production and if so, how is this going to affect our already growing problem of losing forests and grasslands?  There does not seem to be any easy answers.  We have the issue of global warming and greenhouse gases.  Is it better to release masses of carbon dioxide through the creation of biofuel or through our current gas guzzling fuel solutions?  With the Environmental Protection Agency not completely on board with biofuel, there is still debate over this issue.

Rebecca Buckman does a good job with creating this question in the minds of readers.  I would have liked for her to expand on this more.  It could have made the article more interesting and really made readers question, is biofuel the lesser of two evils.

Response #15: Solar Africa

The ideas that pour from environmentalists’ minds seem to be genius. “German blue chip firms throw weight behind north African solar project” by Kate Connolly explains one of these interesting ideas. Massive solar energy plants will be built in various desert regions in Africa to produce and transfer energy to Europe.

Connolly mentions one critic with a counter argument. He thinks the idea is not worth the costs. and wants the focus to be on a more individual basis such as putting solar panel roofs on homes and new buildings. This should, of course, be the basis of all new architecture, but something drastic needs to happen. It will cost a significant amount of money, but the savings for future generations will be so much greater, monetarily and in many other ways.

The number of huge, powerful corporations providing the money for the project are coming out as the heroes, when they are often the villains. Whether it is for their own benefit, publicity, or simply good moral conduct, it does not matter. This project has the potential to change the environment for the better all over the world. Hopefully, if it shows progress, America will follow. Even if not, hopefully it will cause others to think of how they can do their part. It is unfortunate that America is not leading the way, but at least someone is. It is about time that something this big comes along.

Response #11- The Truth Really Does Hurt

The film “King Corn” by Aaron Woolf, Curt Ellis, Ian Cheney, and Jeffrey Miller is a surprisingly honest documentary about the corn industry.  After finding out from Steve Macko of the University of Virginia that their hair was made up of mostly carbon that originates from corn, proving that corn truly is in almost everything, Curt and Ian had questions.  They wanted to know how to plant and grow corn, but mainly, what happens to the corn when it leaves the field.  So, they moved to Greene, Iowa to plant one acre of corn.  The journey they embark on helps to bring many issues surrounding the corn industry to light, which in turn, brings out many emotions from the audience watching the film.  Anger and disgust are at the forefront.

This movie is done in a way that is so honest and innocent that the audience will find it undeniably true.  With this truth comes the destruction that is being done to the integrity and makeup of corn, to small family farms, the environment as a whole, the animals that are being fed corn and corn by products, and inevitably, to the consumer.  From the beginning, the audience learns how drastically corn has been modified from a healthy and nutritional substance to something much less nutritious and made to produce more.  This is a true reflection of many things in our society today and leaves the audience to wonder what we are really doing to ourselves.  Once the corn is harvested and leaves for its many destinations, the truth gets even uglier.  The majority of corn is used to feed animals.  It makes them fatter, quicker, which means a quicker slaughter.  Not only are these animals kept in unsanitary and inhumane conditions, the corn they are eating is creating holes in their stomachs.  All of this is being done to create more food at a cheaper cost.  However, this food has more calories and fat and less nutrition.  It just does not make sense.

This film can help anyone understand the truth of how our food industry works.  The lengths the corn industry and other food industries go to are negligent and disgusting.  Everything comes down to the almighty dollar and that is where the problem truly lies.  If we continue to look for more, more, more and do not take the big picture in to account, we will continue to be an obese nation that brutalizes our animals and environment to save a dollar.