Workshop Draft 2 whitney spies

Overall

 

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The other uses good evidence to support her case, and she uses emotional pulls, like the cow anecdote in the intro, to draw in the reader and convince them.

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Thesis

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes.

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes, all these criteria are met.

Content

 

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

1734

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I would call this about a 7.5 or 8. The topic is interesting – I never considered sustainable vs. organic before, and your paper makes a great point and terrific argument.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think everything was clear.

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

None that I can think of at the moment. Good job.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

Yes.

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Yes, all the content seems relevant to the thesis, and all the parts of the thesis were discussed.

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

Yes, the essay was fairly easy to read.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes, I liked this intro. The anecdote about the cow is a great way to pull in the reader. Good thinking! Just proofread it I think you had a couple mistakes, like a small word missing or something. Nothing a quick proofread won’t fix.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yeah, I liked your conclusion too. It sums up the paper without sounding like a summary, and it convinces the reader. Great job there.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

Yes.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

There seems to be a variety of sources.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes, I believe these were all correct.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

Not that I see.

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

Well, there is a lot of evidence used, but it all fits in nicely and the author does a good job of making her opinion clear through her use of this evidence, so it reads well.

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No.

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No.

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was. 

All the quotes seem relevant and supportive.

Other? 

 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

I liked your paper! It was a really original topic, and you made a great point! I’m convinced by your paper. Just proofread an expand a bit for the final draft, you should be good to go! Good job!

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