Research Draft Extra Workshop for Q.Liu

Overall

 1.     What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

 

The research shows that the author has done lots of research. The author has found many convincing facts to support the thesis.

 

2.     Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions

 

I agree with the author’s idea. There are some ESL problems.

 

Thesis

 

3.     Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

 

Yes, I think so.

 

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes. The thesis is good and in the correct form.

 

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

It has 1633 words.

 

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

 

I think this draft could be 7.5. I agree that forests are very important for us.

 

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think the paper is good and idea is well supported by facts.

 

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

I don’t think there is any objection.

 

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them

 

Yes.

 

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

 

Yes. I think it is clear.

 

Style

 

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic

 

Yes, there are transitions.

 

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

 

Yes. The opening is informative but not very interesting.

 

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes, the concluding paragraph brings the discussion to an end. However, he should condensate the whole idea into a conclusion.

 

Research

 

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database)?

Yes. The draft contains 9 sources. I believe at least 6 are peer-reviewed.

 

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis.

 

No.

 

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

 

Yes, but some citations are not in the right form.

 

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No. I don’t find citation that not is included in the reference list.

 

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report

 

No. I think this essay is read as an argument.

 

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

 

No, there are no quotations.

 

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

 

No, there aren’t any.

 

 

 

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

 

There is no quotation.

 

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

 

Not much. The ideas are good and reasons are convincing.

Research Draft Extra Workshop for Z.Zhang

Overall

1.     What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

I like his point of view. The research shows that he had thought a lot before writing this paper.

2.     Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions

I agree with the author that human activities had made lots of negative effects to the environment.

Thesis

3.     Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes. The thesis is correct and good.

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

It has 1628 words.

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I think this draft could be 7.5. I am interested in the author’s way of arguing.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think the paper is good and ideas are explained in the right order.

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

Many people like cats and they don’t feed birds to their cats.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them

Yes. I don’t want to agree with him, but he provided figures which are undeniable.

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

I think it is clear.

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic

Yes.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes. The opening is attractive.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

I can’t find the concluding paragraph.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database)?

Yes. The draft contains 21 sources. I believe at least 5 are peer-reviewed.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis.

No.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No.

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report

No.

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No, there is no quotation.

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No, there aren’t any.

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

There is no quotation.

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

Add a concluding paragraph.

Research Draft 2nd Workshop for M.Bly

Overall

1.     What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The research shows that the author has done lots of research. The author has found many convincing facts to support the thesis. The author cited all facts in the research.

2.     Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions

I agree with the author that GM crops bring about many negative effects and I think the author did a good job.

Thesis

3.     Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes. The thesis is good.

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

It has 1670 words.

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I think this draft could be 9. I totally agree what author said in the research and I think this topic is pretty interesting.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think the paper is good, idea is fully explained.

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

I don’t think will be any.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them

Yes.

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

I think it is clear..

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic

Yes, I think most of the transitions are easy to follow.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes. The opening is informative and the title of this research is interesting.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes, the concluding paragraph brings the discussion to an end. The author provided many facts and concluded we should stop looking for “enhanced” food.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database)?

Yes. The draft contains 13 sources. I believe at least 5 are peer-reviewed.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis.

No.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes. The citations are in right form.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No. the author used all the reference in the list.

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report

No. I think this essay is read as an argument.

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No, there are no quotations.

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No, there aren’t any.

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

There is no quotation.

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

No. This is a good paper.

XC Workshop for S. Zhang

1.      What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The information author provides is very convincing and well related to the topic, which makes the explanation perfect.

 

2.      Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Grammar is not that good. I found many misspelling.

 

Thesis

 

3.      Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes.

 

4.      Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro    paragraph?

Yes.

 

Content

 

5.      How many words is the draft, not including References?

2,694.

 

6.       On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I would give 8. The facts is something I am not familiar with, which is why I found it interesting.

 

7.      Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

He should develop his ideas on the first opinion.

 

8.      What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

People may disagree on his opinion on abandoning fossil fuels.

 

9.      Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

Yes.

 

10.  Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Yes.

 

Style

 

11.  Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

Yes. There are some jumps though.

 

12.  Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes.

 

13.  Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes.

 

Research

 

14.  Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database.)

Yes.

 

15.  Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

No.

 

16.  Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes. Yes.

 

17.  Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

Yes.

 

18.  Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

No.

 

19.  Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No

20.  Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No.

21.  Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

No.

 

Other?

 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

 

Good job !

XC Workshop for Qingquan Liu

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The evidence the author provide is suitable for the topic, which is very interesting.

 

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Grammar is the major concern. Grammar is not that good. I found many misspelling.

 

 

Thesis

 

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes.

 

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes.

 

Content

 

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

1,633.

 

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

8.

 

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

Discuss more on the evidence and examples.

 

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

People thinking that global warming is due to other reasons will object to the author’s point of view.

 

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them

No. The author should discuss it at the second paragraph.

 

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Yes.

 

Style

 

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

Yes. There are some jumps though.

 

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

No. Some interesting anecdote should be introduced.

 

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes.

 

Research

 

14. Does the draft  contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

Yes.

 

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

Yes.

 

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes. No.

 

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No.

 

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

Yes.

 

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No.

 

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No.

 

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

No. The author should discuss more on the evidence in the middle part of the paper.

 

Other?

 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

Fairly well.

Workshop for Mattiebly

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The introduction part is interesting, and the thesis is very clear. The connection and transition for parts is very well.

 

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

The particular concern is about thesis. The thesis should be more specific.

 

Thesis

 

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

 

Yes.

 

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

 

Yes.

 

Content

 

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

 

1670

 

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I would give 6 because I have been doing some research on it. So the topic doesn’t seem that interesting.

 

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I didn’t find any.

 

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

I don’t think there will be any objection. The thesis is very clear.

 

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

 

Yes.

 

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

 

Yes.

Style

 

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

No.

 

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes. The opening is very interesting with the evidence the author use to open the article.

 

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes.

 

Research

 

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

No. Only 4 of them are peer-reviewed.

 

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

No.

 

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes.

 

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No.

 

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

Yes.

 

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No.

 

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

 

No.

 

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

Yes.

 

Other?

 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

 

Good job!

Workshop for whitney spies

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

This paper is of very good explanation. The introduction part is very interesting too!

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

The particular concern is about thesis. The thesis should be more specific.

Thesis

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes.

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes. Yes.

Content

 

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

1734

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I would give 6 points because I have been doing some research on the topic. So the topic doesn’t seem fresh to me.

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

She don’t need to. This paper develops ideas well.

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

People thinking that organic food is bad for human beings may object the author’s opinion.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

Yes.

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

Yes.

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

Yes.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes, the anecdote here is perfect!

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

Yes.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

Yes.

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

Yes.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

No.

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

No

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No.

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No.

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

Yes.

Other

 

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

Good job!

Research Draft 2 Workshop for Z. Zhang

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

There is a lot of information to support author’s thesis, and this paper is full of imagination.

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Try to connect all the information with thesis.

Thesis

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

Yes.

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

Yes

Content

5. How many words is the draft, not including References?

1628.

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

I will give him 7.

1. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think author should expend idea parts. I can’t understand some parts in the paper.

1. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

I will be confused with the relationship between birds and cats.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

No.

1. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

I think that the connections are fine, but author should care about the connection between different reasons.

Style

10.Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

No.

11.Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Yes, this topic is interesting.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restate the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

There is no conclusion.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

Yes

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

The author uses sources equallly..

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

Yes.

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

Most of them are paraphrases.

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

No

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

No

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

You can write a stronger beginning, and it will make your paper be more interesting. Make sure to expand your opinions and it will make your paper be prefect.