1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.
2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.
Unable to contact
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?
4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?
5. How many words is the draft, not including References?
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!
7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?
Seems to be good
8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?
Who wants these definitions to be changed?
9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.
10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
The transitions are good
12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?
I don’t think the introduction should need cited sources.
13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).
Just restates the thesis. I don’t have my handbook available but look for suggestions on how to fix this in there.
14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).
15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?
16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?
17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).
I did not see any
18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.
19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?
20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.
21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.
Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?
There are some grammar issues throughout the paper.
I wouldn’t have a sentence that needs a cited source as the second sentence in your paper. The introduction needs to be better.