E.C Research Draft 2 Workshop for K. Roseberry

Overall

1. 1.      What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

The author provides background information on polar bears and does an excellent job strengthening her thesis through her research.

1. 2.      Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

I didn’t have too many concerns with this draft. I did notice a few grammatical errors. There were some in the first paragraph and throughout. I would just make sure to read your draft out loud and thoroughly check your paper.

Thesis

1. 3.      Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

The author clearly expresses their opinion with a lot of detail and factual information. They also provide strong evidence in supporting it.

1. 4.      Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro    paragraph?

The author follows the formant as well as bolds their thesis statement.  

 

Content

1. 5.      How many words is the draft, not including References? 

1,927 words

1. 6.       On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

It was an 8.5. The author’s introduction was good in enticing you to read the paper. I liked having the visuals of the polar bears in my head while reading.

1. 7.      Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think that the author has done a really good job of developing ideas and has clearly explained and proved their ideas with factual information.

1. 8.      What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

Why do the Alaska Natives feel that the polar bears are fine?

 

1. 9.      Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

No, the author has not. They could briefly within each section of their thesis or even make it its own paragraph on the argument with the Alaska natives.

1. 10.  Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

There is a very clear relationship between each paragraph and the thesis. The paper flows fairly well.

Style

1. 11.  Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

The author sticks to each topic and flows into the next. Transitions are smooth.

 

1. 12.  Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

This was my favorite part of the essay. The author does an awesome job and allowing you to visualize the problem and it entices you to read more. The title is informative and interesting.

1. 13.  Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

The author does have good closing statements and restates some of her main points without restating her thesis. I would reword the first sentence of the conclusion and not say, “As I have pointed out.”

Research

1. 14.  Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database.)

The author has more than 10 sources and I think has at least 5 peer-reviewed ones (I’m not sure about the proquest ones.)

1. 15.  Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

The author use all of their sources equally.

1. 16.  Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

The in-text citations are done correctly and use in the appropriate places.

1. 17.  Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

They use everything on the Reverence list in the Essay

1. 18.  Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

No, I feel that it is balanced.

Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

There are no quotations.

1. 19.  Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No quotations.

1. 20.  Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

No quotations.

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

 

Good Job! I really enjoyed it and it was actually interesting to read!

 

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