Andra Woodard RESEARCH DRAFT 2 WORKSHOP

Overall

1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific. I really like that there is a lot of information but it doesn’t read like a report, it’s more like a story.

2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions. Did you have trouble find info on the amount of animals left in the wild? I don’t know where to look for that, but it seemed like you were a little vague on how many of a species remained in the wild.

Thesis

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? Yes

4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph? Yes and Yes

Content

5. How many words is the draft, not including References? 2093

6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! 8

7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? I really liked it. Still some comma placement issues (sorry, I’m a comma Nazi).

8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? Someone might say that the Orca’s are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them. Yes

10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection? Yes

Style

11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic? Easy transitions.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title? It captured my interest because I didn’t know this was happening.  I’m new to AK and I didn’t even know that there were Orca’s here!

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C). She used her final paragraph to wrap things up nicely.

Research

14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).  Yes

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis? There are a couple that are used frequently, but I think she used all of them wisely.

16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting? I think so.

17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not). No way! I checked them all!!!! Good Job!

18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report. Didn’t read as a report. It flowed nicely.

19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?  No

20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays. No

21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.  Very Nice.

Other?  

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy? I really liked it this time. It flowed nicely and had good information.