Workshop 2: Nicole Lamers Research Paper Rough Draft 2

1. 1.      What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.

I really like her thesis statement and I think that she has very good transitions.

1. 2.      Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

 

1. 3.      Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?

There seems to be a little opinion, but overall it lacks opinions.

1. 4.      Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?

yes

1. 5.      How many words is the draft, not including References?

2,467

1. 6.      On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!

Like I wrote last time environment is not really my thing, so it is really hard to say. Though I have to say some parts interested me, but at some points it is fact after fact and you don’t break up the facts with opinions.

1. 7.      Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?

I think right in the beginning she should be throwing some examples and clarifying a little more to catch the interest of the reader.

1. 8.      What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?

People who live pay check by pay check who live in the now may not see the environment as a concern to their food choses when they need to buy cheap food.

1. 9.      Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.

She kind of deals with it in her conclusion by saying buy organic now and later down the road organic may become cheaper.

1. 10.  Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

I think she had pretty good connections through the paper.

1. 11.  Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

She has good transitions some paragraphs could use improvement, but she made what she wrote work.

1. 12.  Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?

Her introduction catches my attention, then loses it, then catches it again. She explains organic and inorganic and that might be something to save for the first paragraph of your body and not a part of your introduction. I like the title.

1. 13.  Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).

She brings the discussion back down to the conclusion.

1. 14.  Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from EbscoHost or another database).

Yes

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

She has the sources spread about some sources are used more in different areas, but overall she doesn’t rely on just 2 main sources.

1. 15.  Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?

Yes

1. 16.  Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).

All of them looked like they were used.

1. 17.  Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.

It looks like some of the quotations she has cleared up, but the ones she did use seem to be correctly used.

1. 18.  Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?

Nope

1. 19.  Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.

No she barely used any quotations.

1. 20.  Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

She quoted lists and some terms used, I don’t think it is necessary to comment after quotes such as these. I think that she did an excellent job with the usage of quotes.

Other?

Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?

Thumbs up and Good LUCK!