1. What does the author do particularly well? Be specific.
The article is easy to read. Not filled with super complicated text.
2. Ask the author for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.
Was there a particular component of this essay that you had issues putting together?
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis?
4. Does the thesis follow the format we’ve been using (ALTHOUGH clause, argumentative claim, BECAUSE clause with 3 reasons of support). Is thesis bolded or underlined and in last sentence of intro paragraph?
Yes on both.
5. How many words is the draft, not including References?
Essay is 587 words, not including the references.
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!
I would give the paper a 6. But I would also give the topic a 9. I was really interested in the compressed air storage system, and would be interested in other forms of green storage systems. If additional information or descriptions about those systems and how that technology works was included it would make this paper more interesting.
7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader?
Describing the current storage methods and comparing them a little more in depth to greener and more efficient methods in detail would be good.
8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?
Obtaining money to reconstruct the national power grid; where does this money come from? Are small power providers going to go bankrupt attempting to convert? Is the technology available today to completely transition to the smart grid?
9. Has the author dealt with these objections? If not, suggest some good places to deal with them.
The topic of expenses is somewhat addressed. However, aside from large initial expenses where is this money coming from? Is it going to come from an already beleaguered national budget-government payout? Or is it going to be fronted by consumers? Or is the company going to foot the bill and extend the costs to the consumers later? The technology aspect could be addressed if the author decides to include current transmission and storage methods/ alternative methods and the in depth explanations of how they work.
10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
I found the transitions jumpy. Also I found the paper just ended without a real summary.
12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? Does the essay have an informative yet interesting title?
Like I said above this topic is interesting. I like how the author noted that most energy topics delve into the realm of sources of energy rather than making efficient methods of storing and transferring what energy we already have. I liked how noting that in the first paragraph lets the reader know that this isn’t going to be another run of the mill green energy paper. Some facts about the amount of lost energy would be very interesting and grabbing. Example: 60% of energy sent through current transmission lines is lost. Something similar to that-I made that fact up, but you get the idea. Facts to tell the reader that our current methods are indeed inefficient would be helpful.
13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? If your buddy’s conclusion just restates the thesis, call him/her on that, and help them come up with a better conclusion. Maybe give them tips from the Hacker handbook (section C).
I thought the paper just ended. I didn’t feel any real wrap up or summary-it just ended.
14. Does the draft contain at least 10 sources (5 peer-reviewed/scholarly sources from Ebsco Host or another database).
15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?
Author used several different sources.
16. Does the author use in-text citations after every quotation, statistic, paraphrase, idea and opinion borrowed from research? Are the in-text citations done in correct APA formatting?
17. Does the author have anything on the Reference list that is not used in the essay (she/he should not).
Direct quotes were quoted. However I do not believe every source was used.
18. Does the author have more quotations/statistics/paraphrases/etc in his/her paper than personal opinion? Essay should read as an argument, not as a report.
I thought it could have used more facts, and some more statistics.
19. Are they any quotations that are longer than 2 lines?
20. Are there any quotations that you think should instead be paraphrased? Remember that too many quotations lead to clunky and chunky essays.
Quotations were fine, and in good locations to back up his paraphrasing.
21. Any quotations should be commented upon. They are there to support the author’s argument, not to make it. Does the author comment after every one? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.
There were comments afterwards however the paper didn’t have enough information. Needs more overall explanations about the topic, with more facts etc.
Is there any other feedback you’d like to give your buddy?
I liked the topic and I am super interested in the storage and transmission methods. I think explaining the inefficiency of the old and efficiency of the new, and to some extent (basic ideas) how the technology works would be awesome.