1. The thesis states how the fast food industry is effecting various factor’s in American’s lives. The thesis looks like it’s good to go.
4. The book title is given in the thesis and the author agrees with the points of the book.
5. The thesis is bolded.
I believe the audience (this class) will agree with the author. We’ve been learning a lot about this food phenomenon going on in our nation. Personally, I agree so much that this is the topic of my research paper.
I don’t see any counterarguments addressed other than in the thesis it states fast food is commericialized, but this is not addressed anywhere else in the essay.
I think the title is very interesting and catchy–great job.
The lead sentence is catchy. It makes a great point to start with.
The conclusion could use some work. It should summarize the main points of the paper. Also, turning your last sentence into a statement rather than a question would probably make more of an impact.
The paragraphs flow fairly well. They are a little unorganized, but I am still able to tell what the main point of each is.
Don’t start any sentences with “but” or “or.” There is one sentence in the third paragraph that is a statement, but it is puctuated with a question mark. Also, there may be a few too many questions in here. They can make big impacts, but too many can be distracting. I would ask Prof. Sullivan about that.
Overall, I get the main points you’re trying to make. This topic is very important, so you chose a good one!